Love in the Face of Uncertainty
by moonstruck583
Summary: It's the first Integration Day since the end of the school year, and the eyes of the world are on Emery Whitehill and Roman Nox, whose romantic relationship is now public knowledge. After becoming intimate, Roman has become deathly sick with an illness that mirrors Emery's autoimmune disease. Now, they are fighting to stay together... and alive.
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER ONE

ROMAN

I'm dreaming again. It registers the moment I recognize the inside of the Whitehill's shed, and my heart sinks, knowing how this nightmare is going to end.

I'm six years old, curled up in the blanket Emery gave me, shivering uncontrollably- in part from fear and in part from the cold. Everything about this moment feels like arrival night.

Except when Emery opens the shed, carrying a bowl of spaghetti in her hands, she is definitely not six years old. I begin to pull the blanket over my head, attempting to hide- I don't want to her to see me like this. Weak. Injured. Scared.

She slowly pulls the blanket away, offering me a reassuring smile. "Don't be scared," she says gently. Her eyes are full of warmth and kindness, and I cannot look away.

"Here," she says, handing me the bowl.

I shake my head. "I'm not hungry."

"I know," she says, and now there is a hint of sadness in her voice. "But you need your strength. The war is coming, and you must guide the way."

"I don't want to," I tell her, my voice small and timid. "I want to stay here forever, with you. I miss you."

Emery reaches out, sweeping the damp hair away from my face. "I miss you too," she tells me, bending down to kiss my forehead. "Every second, every day."

She pulls away, hesitating as she looks into my eyes. "Trust in Teri, Roman," she tells me earnestly. "Teri loves you. She will help you live."

This is the part of the dream I don't understand, the part of the dream I haven't told to anyone.

"Emery," I begin to ask, confused. "What-"

But as always, the door to the shed bursts open without warning. We both get up at once, but it is too late to hide. Castor, Vega, the Trags, the Redhawks… they all file in, blocking any escape. When I try to step in front of Emery, she pushes me back.

"DON'T HURT HIM!" She yells desperately, stepping in front of me.

Vega laughs.

"My dear, stupid girl," she says, walking up to us. "Roman is far too important to kill. You, on the other hand…"

She smiles wickedly as she holds out a crystal cube filled with black cyper, tossing it carelessly, and crushes it with her foot.

Emery collapses to the ground, and I'm too small, too weak… powerless to keep her from falling. When her head cracks on impact, all I can hear are my screams.

"ROMAN!"

The voice seems far away, but familiar. Trustworthy. I follow it through the darkness, still screaming for Emery, until my eyes blink open, struck by the harsh contrast of the sudden light.

"Emery!" I gasp, my eyes moving around frantically. I try to sit up, but can't. "Emery!"

"Emery is safe," a voice says hurriedly, and I blink once more, focusing on where it came from. Finally, I settle on Drake.

He is towering over me, his hands pressing down onto my shoulders. "It was just a dream, Roman," he tells me. "Emery is safe."

I close my eyes once more and focus on breathing. _Emery is safe. It was just a dream. Emery is safe. _This knowledge races through my mind, over and over again, like a calming meditation, as Drake begins to remove my restraints. I don't open them again until I hear the last click.

"Thanks," I mumble, pushing myself up. The room spins, but I'm so used to this that I just ignore it and take a deep breath, waiting for it to pass.

Drake has been sleeping in a cot in my room ever since my nightmares began, a week into summer vacation. He took Sophia's place as my nighttime ward after I had broken her nose while she attempted to calm me down. Ever since, I've made them place me in restraints, and Drake keeps watch, suffering through the night with me.

It's an act of friendship I will never be able to repay him for.

"You've gotta figure out what to do with all these bracelets," Drake says gruffly, handing me a small piece of paper entwined with yarn. "Dudes don't wear friendship bracelets, man."

I ignore him, sliding the multicolored yarn over my wrist, watching it fall in between the others. Emery makes me one every day, and Drake gives it to me every morning… tangible proof that she is real. That she is safe.

Drake turns and heads to the kitchen in unspoken understanding, as I unfold the paper.

_I love you. _

For the first time all morning, my body relaxes just a bit.

I turn the paper over, remembering the words from an old movie Emery made me watch, about a human in love with a ghost.

_Ditto. _

Drake comes back in with breakfast, and I fold the paper in half as I jump off the bed, shoving it into my sneaker, where I'm certain the guards won't bother to search. Usually, I pass it off to him… he is the main messenger between the Humans and the Atrians nowadays… but today is an Integration Day. I will see her in a bit.

Drake hands me my ration, and I squint at it, frowning. "This is too much."

"You need your strength," Drake says flatly.

I glare at him, pushing it away. "So do you."

"Not as much as you," Drake tells me, pushing it back towards me. "It's an Integration Day, Roman. The eyes of the world are going to be on you and Emery. We can't have you passing out in front of the cameras. Eat it, or I'll put you back in the restraints and force feed it to you."

His voice bares no room for argument. I'm too exhausted to give him one, and anyway, I'm starving from the fake spaghetti.

He watches me eat in silence, and I'm almost finished when there's a knock at the door. Drake goes to open it, and Sophia comes in with Teri trailing behind her.

"Fresh batch of haenep," Teri says without preamble, pulling a vial out of her bag.

"I'm fine without it," I tell them, crossing my arms.

The haenep is what I hate the most about being sick. It's a powerful plant… a drug, not unlike the human plant marijuana… but stronger. It eases the pain and gives me energy, but at a price. I've become addicted to it.

It's Teri's turn to glare at me. "Damnit Roman," she says, stalking over to me. "We are not having this argument every damn morning. Stop being so fucking noble. It's better to have you an addict and alive, than dead without it."

"Unless that's your plan," Sophia mutters. "To have him addicted to a plant only you can grow."

"Sophia-" I sigh. "I'm dying either way. The haenep is just prolonging the inevitable."

Teri slaps me across the face. Sophia makes a move towards her, but Drake puts his arms around her, stopping her. "Shut up," Teri whispers coldly. "If you think I'm just going to let you give up, you're dumber than I thought you were. Take the damn haenep, Roman. For Emery."

We stare at each other, and I remember Emery's words in the dream. Closing my eyes, I open my mouth, allowing her to drop the small leaf onto the tip of my tongue, swallowing as it dissolves.

Satisfied, Teri hands me a glass of water without looking at me, and turns to Drake. "You should go," she tells him. "The bus leaves in less than an hour, and you look like shit. Meet back here at ten of, we'll walk down together."

Drake gives her a mock salute, shoots me a sympathetic look at having to be the mediator between my sister and Sophia, and walks out of the pod.

"Teri…" I begin, faltering. "I-"

"You should get ready, too," she interrupts quickly. "I'll stay with Sophia."

I pause by Sophia as I make my way to the bathroom, giving her a warning look. "Play nice."


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO

TERI

Sophia is clearly not happy to be alone with me, but since there are so many Atrians and Humans wanting to kill her, she doesn't really have a choice. You'd think she'd at least show a little gratitude, given the fact that I'm trying to save her brother's life, but she can't forgive me for the role I played in her mother's death. Not that I can blame her.

"That was a nice touch," she hisses at me the moment we hear Roman turn the shower on. "Pretending you wanted him to take the haenep for Emery."

I roll my eyes. Really, it amazes me how many Atrians _and _Humans think she's so nice. Sophia is much more like her mother, than her father. "It worked, didn't it?" I tell her, forcing myself not to rise to the bait.

"I don't trust you," she snaps, like it's some kind of big revelation.

"I took the truth serum," I remind her. "And anyways, it doesn't matter whether or not you trust me. Roman does. I'm trying to save his life."

This, I know, infuriates her, and I can't help but feel smug about it.

"But my mother's life was expendable," she says, and I know I shouldn't be surprised by the hatred in her voice, but I am.

I take a deep breath, trying to remind myself that Sophia has lost her mother and her father, that her brother is dying a slow, painful death, and that the girl she loves is carrying someone else's baby. Really, it's kind of a miracle she hasn't completely lost it yet.

There's no use apologizing for her mother's death, though. She won't hear it. I've burned too many bridges. Sophia will never trust me. We will never be friends.

"Look," I tell her, keeping my voice even. "I get it. I'm the worst person in the world. But today is an Integration Day. And every sneer you throw at me just makes Roman more stressed than he should be."

Sophia knows that I'm right, and she's not happy about it. She leans forward, looking me dead in the eyes.

"If Roman dies," she says, and her voice is low and threatening, unwavering. "I will become _Ilkesan_. And I will do everything in my power to make your life miserable."

I don't doubt her words for a second, but they carry no weight behind them. There are too many Atrians _and _Humans who want Nox's family line dead. Sophia may be angry, but she isn't stupid. She knows the worry that exists in The Elder's faces, knows perfectly well that her death will mean the end of the _Ilkesan_ lineage, and the beginning of a civil war.

"How optimistic of you," I tell her dismissively. "For you to believe you'll survive long enough as _Ilkesan_ to make that happen."

Sophia rises from her chair, pushing it backwards, and for a moment, I think she might slap me. Fortunately, Roman's timing is impeccable.

He steps out of his bedroom, looking refreshed and more energized than I've seen him in days. He's actually brushed his hair. I know a large part of the sudden, newfound energy is his excitement over seeing Emery, and for the umpteenth time, I push my hatred and jealousy towards the human girl aside.

I'm still not used to being so selfless.

"Are you alright?" Sophia asks anxiously, her hatred towards me momentarily forgotten.

Roman shrugs. "I don't feel the need to puke or pass out," he says, offering a wry grin. "So that's something."

"The fresh haenep will give you enough energy to get through today," I tell him. I shuffle through my purse, pulling out a bag of seeds and a bottle of water. "You should drink more water than you usually do. If you feel nauseous, take a couple _Lamiaceae _seeds."

"Thanks, Teri," he says softly. His voice is low and soft, and when I look at him, he is trying to speak more with his eyes.

There was a time when Roman would look at me like that, and I would wish desperately for him to realize what I felt for him, thinking that my feelings couldn't be as strong as they were and _not _be reciprocated.

"When we get there," I continue, looking away from him. "The flashes from the cameras may cause dizziness. Sophia, Drake and I will block you, but try to look at the ground, alright? The humidity will make it difficult for you to breathe, so we're getting you inside as soon as possible."

Roman nods. We've been over all of this before, of course. Once Gloria Garcia announced the first Integration Day of the summer, we began planning. Roman's sickness is public knowledge, but only a handful know just how serious it is, and even a fewer number know _how _he contracted the illness.

"I'll have to do an interview with Emery," Roman says, frowning at the thought of it.

"Emery's going to do most of the talking," Sophia assures him. "_Let_ her."

There's a knock at the door, and Sophia checks through the peephole before swinging it open, revealing Drake, also looking more refreshed than he has in days.

"The bus is here," he tells us, looking around the pod. He settles on me. "Did you go over the plan?"

He does not hide his emotions well, and his nervousness shows. He's torn between protecting Roman and his own problems, and I still can't believe he was stupid enough to knock up Taylor. Roman needs all the protection he can get, and Drake's allowed himself to be distracted by a human girl. What _was_ it about them, anyway?

"Yeah," Roman says. "Keep me from passing out in front of live television in front of millions of people."

"It's only a couple hours," Sophia reminds everyone anxiously.

She casts me a quick glance, and I nod slightly – our silent truce is for Roman's sake only.

It's only a couple hours, but I know everyone is thinking of the short history of these Integration Days… and the fact that they haven't exactly been free from drama, and the risks from this one are higher than ever.

Aside from the need to keep Roman's illness a secret, there's Atrians inside and outside the Sector out to eliminate Nox's family line, Atrians who still seek revenge on Emery… not to mention the Trags who consider Drake and myself to be traitors, and the Redhawks, who consider us their enemies.

"Let's head out," I say, stepping up to the front.

Roman steps behind me, flanked on either side by Drake and Sophia.

Whatever happens, we're in this together.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: **

Thank you for all the reviews!

Erm. I'm bad at updating. I have a dozen different fics that I've never finished. I can't make any promises that I'll finish this one. The only thing this fic has going for it is that I'm so crushed over the cancellation of this show.

Also, this fic is going to be a slow build. Each chapter alternates between Roman, Teri, or Emery's perspective. I pretty much have no idea where I'm going with it. Also, it is completely un-beta'd.

Love in the Face of Uncertainty

Chapter Three

_Emery_

"You look perfect," Julia says confidently, giving me an encouraging smile.

I stare back at my reflection, marveling at how calm and collected I look on the outside. Years of being a hospital kid, of masking my pain and discomfort, of offering people a smile even though it felt I had absolutely nothing to be smiling about… it's all serving a purpose today.

Julia also knows what it's like to put on a brave face, and when I turn back to look at her, I see that she's wearing one now. I'm glad for her strength today.

I know that in less than thirty minutes, my face will be live streamed into the homes of every American viewing the Integration Day news footage, which is estimated to be just about everyone. It doesn't matter how I look—the sides have already been drawn. Those who hate me will hate me regardless of what I wear, or how I act… and those who support me will staunchly stand by me.

"Well," I tell her, straightening my shoulders. "It's the best it's gonna get."

My hand shakes ever so slightly as I tilt my head to the side to push in my earring, the final touch of the outfit Julia had meticulously planned for me.

Julia hands me a folded piece of paper when I finish, and a draw in a quick, sharp breath of surprise.

"Roman thought you would need some extra encouragement today," Julia says by way of explanation, her brave face turning into a happy one.

She reaches out, squeezing my hand. "I'll be downstairs."

I watch her leave, waiting until I am alone before I open the piece of paper.

_I believe in you._

It's short—they always are. Even though Drake is a vigilant messenger, we cannot risk being detected. The notes are the only way we have been able to communicate. I have not seen Roman since the last day of school, exactly one month ago.

If it weren't for the media catching onto Roman's illness, I don't think Gloria Garcia would have pressed so hard for an Integration Day. But there was such a commotion when the story broke, tensions between humans and Atrians were raised even higher… and Gloria Garcia and the committee in favor of supporting Atrian Integration wanted to remind the public of the success of the program.

It doesn't matter that Roman is ill… as the face of the Atrian Seven, his attendance is mandatory. As much as I try to hate Gloria for forcing it, I can't. Not if it means seeing Roman.

I fold the piece of paper back in half, tucking it into a drawer in my vanity.

Roman believes in me.

I carry this knowledge with me as I leave my room, focus on these words as I gather the strength I know I'll need to make it through this day.

When I finally make it down the stairs, I'm looking at a group of people that, twelve months ago, would have never considered being in the same room with each other.

Taylor. Grayson. Eric. Lukas. Julia.

They are all gathered around my living room with my parents, talking. And even though there's a palpable nervous tension that fills the room, the conversations are friendly. There's a hint of excitement in the nervousness—out of all the students at Marshall, the little group sitting in my living room has been the most effected by the re-segregation. We're, as Gloria Garcia pointed out, the role models. We are the human faces of the success of the integration program.

The conversation stops, and for a moment, I think it's because I've entered the room—until I notice that they've left the television on the news coverage. A reporter has come on the screen announcing that the Atrian Seven have just assembled in the Sector, and are awaiting for the Bus to take them to the center of town that has been sectioned off.

The camera, of course, focuses on Roman.

Over the course of the month, I have been forced to watch Roman grow progressively, visibly weaker, through the media. Every week they do updates on him.

They stopped harassing me after my family issued restraining orders and the governor interfered with a Media ban… but Roman has not been so lucky. And since Roman is one half of our relationship… I'm still constantly mentioned in the press. There are entire websites devoted to either plotting the demise of our relationship or speculating what a child of ours would look like, with everything in between.

Roman does not look at the cameras, and Teri and Drake block any view of him seconds after they manage to get a clear shot. I smile in spite of myself as Teri glares at the cameras.

"We should head out," My father says, interrupting the silence. "Gloria wants us there before they arrive.

"You ready, sweetheart?" he asks, giving me the same worried look he's been giving me since they announced the Integration Day.

"Yes," I say firmly.

He sighs, and nods his head, leading the way out the door and into the garage.

Julia loops her arm through mine, and Lukas steps next to me. Grayson and Taylor step in front of us.

I know they've planned this. I know that they've been talking behind my back, preparing for today… discussing ways to protect me, to protect Roman. They've filled me in on some of it, but I know they have contingency plans set in place… and I've feigned ignorance about it.

I know it's pointless to tell them not to interfere, but I still can't help feeling like it's selfish of me. Because I'll need their protection, if I have any hope of protecting Roman.


End file.
